Random

I love dreams, they can be so insightful, meaningful and random.  When I can remember my dreams, the feeling the dream gave me usually stays with me for the day.  Sometimes it's calming, sometimes it's sad and sometimes it's just weird.  Last night I dreampt that I was in high school.  I was sitting with a guy who I liked and I wanted him to kiss me.  I knew he liked me too but when he leaned into me for a kiss, instead of kissing me he spat in my mouth.  I was mortified and humiliated and did what any high school girl would do - I ran to the washroom.  There were a couple of girls and a teacher in this huge washroom that saw me crying and I ran right into a bathroom stall.  I noticed that the bathroom was in some stage of renovation and the stalls weren't quite complete.  And on the door of the stall was a slot for money which said "Now that you have to pay for your shower, here's a vaccum" (random!).  There was in fact a vaccum of sorts on the floor of this huge stall.  I guess you get to pay and clean up after your shower now.  Just then some boys came into the girls washroom - looking for "mama" as they had a song for me.  I'm pretty sure these boys were gay -at least that's what I was thinking in my dream - because they weren't shunned from the girls bathroom.  And I've always felt that gay men should be welcome in the girls bathroom.  They sang a song that said my boyfriend was sorry and I just cried and told them to leave.  Then a nice girl came up and explained to me that on the East Coast, it was traditional for a boy to have other boys sing a sonnet to a girl he's hurt and this was the ultimate form of apology (neat! romantic!).  So of course I felt better.  I hope you enjoyed my little dream story.  Do you remember your dreams?  Do you look them up in a dictionary to see the meaning? 

Stress

I'm a working mom.  I could leave it at that.   

I was pondering today the amount of stress in my life.  It pales in comparison to when I commuted 2+ hours a day and worked 10 hours a day while having a child but it's still there.  I don't even realize I am until I lose my patience or start snapping at my husband.  If you look at the symptoms of stress, I have most of them and I didn't even realize that until I looked it up today.  I found this chart which gives all of the symptoms:  http://duniapsikologi.dagdigdug.com/files/2009/04/sept3_tgl_03908stres.jpg

Over the years I've developed a few strategies for dealing with stress that work wonders for me.  I take the kids down to the lake, I read a book, I treat myself to something, I clean the house, I bake, I eat something really healthy, I go for a little walk and sometimes I eat chocolate (although eating chocolate is the least effective as it's affects are only short term - approximately the lenght of time it takes me to eat it).  Doing these things don't take away the things that are making me stressed - but they do make me feel better.  Tonight I'm looking forward to reading a book and forgetting that my house is on the market, that I have bills to pay and that I have to get up so early tomorrow.  How do you deal with stress at home or at work?

A story about patience

Generally, I am not a patient person.  I'm a slightly anxious and slightly high strung actually.  I don't like crowds, line ups or loud noises.  But having children and over 7 years attending to their needs I have grown more patience.  They have changed my life for the better in so many ways and I try to be a good mom to them in return.  It didn't come overnight though, I've had to work on my patience.  I've had to leave the room and count to ten on more than one occasion.  When I start feeling overwhelmed I ask my husband to take over to give me a few minutes of perspective.  Sometimes all I need are a few minutes of quiet and I'm back into the thick of it with renewed perspective and patience. 

An overtired two year old. 

Once a week my husband works late and I have the girls to myself for the evening.  We play hide and seek, paint our nails, play ponies and read books.  We did all this tonight in fact.  My youngest (3) was overtired and crying at the drop of the hat.  My oldest was too for that matter.  After redirecting a few fights between them ("You can't hide where I'm hiding!!"  "Madelyn won't let me look at that book!!") and getting endless glasses of milk (3 each to be exact) and giving them individual attention and hugs where needed it was time for bed.  I was doing pretty good!!  Instead of losing my patience I would calmly redirect them or dry tears and give hugs. 

When bedtime is drawing near I give them time to adjust to the idea that playtime will soon be over and our bedtime routine will begin.  I usually have to ask them a few times each but eventually they are herded into the bathroom to brush their teeth, wash face and hands and have a pee before bed.  We all crawled into bed, they fought about which book to read first and I found a compromise book - one of our favorites - I Spy.  They even managed (the poor overtired dears - insert sarcasm here) to fight about who was spying.  After stopping tears of a fight over the book for the fourth time (we didn't even get to finish the book) I had had enough.  I decided I'd better settle them down before I lost my patience.  WELL....then it was a fight about where they slept.  They can't both sleep in my bed because then the youngest keeps the oldest awake or they kick each other and fight over covers...but neither of them was willing to leave my bed.  What was I to do??  The youngest was crying and the oldest was trying to snuggle down and get to sleep.  It's usually my oldest that I ask to compromise but that wasn't happening tonight.  And with my three year old refusing to get into her own bed or get into my bed I lost my patience.  I had my own little tantrum and they both ended up in my bed.  I left the room and waited in the bathroom for the youngest to come out to ask for water but she didn't and I went back in to see them both laying quietly with their eyes closed, no tears and trying to go to sleep.  I kissed them each and told them I loved them and left the room.  They just succumbed to the comfy coziness of mommy's bed and all is right in the world again.  What do you do when you feel your patience slipping? 

On the lack of time

"So much to do - so little time to do it in!"
~Cecil Rhodes
If anyone knows about the lack of time it's likely this man.  Cecil formed the De Beers Mining Company with the De Beers brothers only to die at 49 due to complications from his tubercular lung condition.  The original quote is much longer than this  ...something about..."life is short, the art is long, opportunity fleeting..." but it was shortened.  Ah the things you learn when you google a popular quote. 

The matter of time has plagued my daily life lately, especially weeknight evenings.  I come home and make a healthy meal for my family and before I know it, it's bedtime for the kids and shortly thereafter, bedime for myself as well.  I get about 4.5 hours in the evenings...and only about 3 of those hours are with my kids.  This is why they go to bed at 8:30-9pm......so I can see them for 3+ hours a night!  My sister in law stays at home with her kids and they go to bed at 7-8pm.  I know exactly why...because she will see them all day the next day so there is no reason for them to be up later than that time.  But I digress.  My daily struggle is what to do with that precious time.  Besides cooking, cleaning up, unpacking and packing lunches, baths etc. what am I to do with that whole 1-2 hours an evening I get to myself?  I usually do more chores and read a book before bed.  My mother thinks I should do more laundry and sometimes I do make a point of putting the stuff away instead of flaking in front of the computer or tv.  I think I should be finding time to exercise.  Part of me thinks I just need to organize my time better or be more productive with the time I have, and the other part thinks - slow down, you do enough!  Amber Strocel is encouraging everyone who reads her blog to write about Awesomeness.  And without changing my topic of this post, I'd have to say that I am an awesome mom.  I git er done.  I am an amazing multitasker.  My kids are polite, sweet, smart and confident.  I always find time to tell them about their own awesomeness.  And dang it, I may not have much time but I am still able to be a great mom to them. 

A lot of the challenge I have with time is deciding how it's spent.  It comes down to our own perspective of busy.  For example, I'm writing this blog, but also getting cereal for the kids, putting bacon in the oven, letting the dog out and planning my day in my head.  It's Sunday and after I'm done whining about time, I'm going to make french toast, call a friend, get the kids ready, a lunch ready and take them to a splash pad/playground for a picnic.  I should be finishing the laundry, vacuuming and planting my garden today - and it still might get done - but I have to prioritize.  Most of my fight with time is deciding what's going to win, the chores or the fun.  And quite honestly, life is too short and the fun usually wins.

My house

When I bought my house nine years ago I thought it was amazing. I was 25 and my boyfriend and I were moving out of a bachelor apartment to a four bedroom, semi-detached home away from the big city. The house needed a lot of work….it was approximately 30 years old when we bought it and although it had been upgraded somewhat….counters, roof and carpeting were all new…. a lot of major items needed to be addressed, such as the paneling on the living room walls, the peel and stick tile in the kitchen/hallway, the very old single paned windows, the gardens (my pleasure), redo the front step, add more insulation to the attic, the back patio needed to be graded away from the house and we also wanted to take all the wallpaper down and replace it with paint – to name a few. I think the first thing we did was replace the windows and sliding glass door. We replaced the peel and stick, replaced the furnace, added insulation to the attic, replaced the carpeting on the stairs and in the upstairs hallway, re-did the front stoop (twice) with interlock, replaced all the light fixtures in the house, graded the back patio, painted the kitchen cupboards, removed all the wallpaper, painted the house twice over, completely replaced the main floor bathroom down to the studs – whew! All this in nine years as well as getting married and having two children. I affectionately call this house “the Money Pit” as it reminds me of that glorious house that Tom Hanks bought and had to gut and rebuild. The nice thing is that the house finally looks complete and I walk in everyday feeling like I could have visitor’s over without having to explain why we have no baseboards or why the light fixture is hanging from the ceiling. It’s a nice feeling but there is still so much to be done…and we are woefully short on resources. I’m trying to be patient as a kitchen renovation is not realistic right now and neither is a complete basement overhaul. I feel frusterated. I’m looking for solutions but am finding it hard too when all I see are dollar signs. I console myself with the fact that we will eventually sell the house, win the lottery or get a loan to do a renovation but for right now it will have to wait. It’s no wonder I find it hard to relax, we’ve been going non-stop since we moved here! Have you done any renovations to your home? Did you hire someone or do them yourselves?

Easter Weekend shenanigans

We had a glorious, busy, sunny Easter weekend.  I was off Friday and today and had a four day weekend. 

Thursday night we went to a good friend's house for a bbq dinner.  She had invited the neighbors - who are always fun and upbeat - and we sat outside for hours enjoying the weather and company while the kids played. 

We made plans for Friday which included a visit to a local farm for an egg hunt and then later that night to watch a movie (projected outside just for fun) with the kids.  The egg hunt was SO fun.  The kids made baskets, looked at baby chicks and then we went on a tractor pulled wagon ride out to a field to find eggs.  Afterward we visited the bakery where we bought cookies, fudge and strudel.  The husbands stayed home but insisted we bring them fudge.  My three year old fell asleep on the couch at 6pm and so only my six year old and I went to watch the movie. 

Saturday was another busy day...a baby shower an hour north from our house, and an overnight at my aunt's house, since both places were a 15 minute drive apart.  The baby shower was relaxing.  It was great to see my extended family - second and third cousins, great aunt's and uncle and even my sister who was visiting from out of town.  We stayed for a couple of hours then headed back to my aunt's house for Easter dinner.  My cousins (boys aged 14 and 16) are great with the girls and helped by watching them on the trampoline, taking them to look for frogs and making sure they stayed safe while the adults relaxed and made dinner.  We went on a long walk in the nearby graveyard where my grandmother is buried and found golf balls in the field - as part of our tradition when visiting.  After dinner we had a sauna and a hot tub and then played Tripoli - what a great day. 

Sunday morning we painted eggs, went for another long walk but this time in the field behind their house.  The boys were determined to bring us to this pond where they swore the frogs were so loud you had to cover your ears!  We walked a while and could hear the frogs from a hundred meters away so we kept on treking only to hear then suddenly stop as we came within feet of the pond!  We think the dog scared them because they went completely silent and stayed that way until long after we had left.  After a big lunch we decided it was time to head home - I still had an Easter dinner of my own to make!  We had ham, baked potatoes, corn and broccoli and shuffled off to bed. 

Today was another glorious day - another high of 30 - which is a typical summer day here in Ontario, except that it's barely spring!  We did our Easter hunt this morning and started the day off with a little bit of chocolate.  I bought the girls four canvasses to paint and we each painted one after breakfast.  My hubby had to work so he was off at 11:30 am and after lunch we got cleaned up, packed some snacks and went to the park.  I brought my book, a pleasure I usually reserve for before bed, and some toys, snacks and drinks for the girls.  My three year old rode her tricyle all the way there and back and we were gone for two hours. 

It was a wonderful weekend, busy but worthwhile.  We cram a lot into these free days because we all work so hard through the week.  The girls had a great time and were absolutely exhausted when I put them to bed tonight.  I hope everyone else had a great weekend!

Tall tales and Quirky behavior

First let me tell you a little bit about my six and a half year old daughter. She’s the oldest of two girls, she is a good sister but can be a little “grabby” with toys. She’s very imaginative and likes to make up stories, roles and characters and to act out and direct the storyline with her friends. She’s a Cancer which means to me that she’s a little quirky but in a good/funny way and she’s also a very caring and sensitive individual. Recently she has taken to telling tall tales. An example of a tall tale is when she told her friend that I had a baby boy and he died and we buried him in a forest near the school. :X. And she tells these tales in such a convincing manner and insists that the tale is true. So this little tale came back to me through another parent who was concerned that perhaps I had lost a baby through miscarriage! So I took Madelyn aside one night and explained that it’s not appropriate to tell tales about your family, especially ones that are untrue and could be harmful to our family name. I explained that this is like lying when you insist that it’s true and don’t relent or give away that perhaps you are making it up. No harm done but I don’t want her making up other stories that could be harmful if heard by teachers or misconstrued through the social grapevine.

But I’d like to focus for a minute on her quirky side. Sometimes when I’m talking with Madelyn she makes squeels and grunts and/or she sticks her tongue out at me or makes a face. For the most part my husband and I respond by telling her it’s rude, to act “normally” (i.e. not grunt or cross her eyes when we are talking to her) and respond to us with words and not noises. So a request that she close her mouth when chewing her food could get the response “Eeeeeee. Beep.” ..followed by more lip smacking. And I couldn’t help but notice that it’s becomming disrespectful. She’s not awknowledging our request, she’s dismissing it. And the tongue thing is just plain rude. So yesterday I took her aside, sat her on my lap and explained why it’s rude to not awknowledge someone when they speak to you. How it’s appropriate to look that person in the eyes while they are talking to you and to respond in words, not noises. That it’s rude to stick out your tongue after your parent / teacher / anyone asks you to do something. And that there will be consequences if she does not listen / answer in a respectful way. We have told her this many times before but usally in a more reactive manner than through conversation. This time I tried a different approach and you know what she did? She stuck her tongue out, just slightly through her lips. And I took away her computer privledges for the day. She then tried to tell me that she was licking her lips! I let her get back to her lunch but I noticed that she was only picking at it. She told me that she didn’t feel like eating after I talked to her so I took her aside again and gave her some more snuggles and explained that we aren’t mad at her, that we love her but why it’s important to us that she behave herself in a way that we feel is appropriate for her age and how I’d rather have her talk back to me instead of her responding with noises that don’t make any sense. She flitted off afterward much happier and the rest of the day went really well. I’m always slightly apprehensive about discipline, my usual reaction is to yell or redirect (depending on the behavior I'm correcting) but the way she was acting was starting to concern me. And overall I think it went pretty well! She is generally a great kid but she’s been challenging me lately. I’d like to relate it all back to her quirky, imaginative nature but I’ve never had a six year old before so it could be an age thing, a personality thing or a respect thing. It does leave me wondering…..does anyone else have a child that makes faces and strange noises instead of responding to a direct question or request?