An incredible journey

Vacation March 2010

I think every mom must go through the cycle I’m going through now. Some sooner than others some later but it’s definitely a big change that takes place in your life and that’s what it feels like to me. What I’m talking about is the transition from being a new mommy to young children and the absolute madness that goes with it – to being a mom of two little girls (and the madness that goes with that). I feel like I am emerging from adolescence to adulthood all over again. I have so many choices to make all of a sudden. I can no longer hide behind the guise of being a busy mom of young children. I feel like I have to lose the baby weight (again) and take a course or find a hobby. From newly wed at 27 to mom at 28, then mom again at 31. And now mom of little girls at age (gulp) almost 36. My girls are more independent now and I find more and more spaces of time where they don’t need their mommy as much. They go on sleepovers, they play independently, they get their own glasses of milk, and sometimes they even dress themselves! This makes me a little nostalgic as I long to carry them around in my arms and kiss their little faces without protests. Now I have to be content with holding their little hands and sneaking in kisses when I can. We just moved to a newer house after being in our first home for 10 years and I think the time is right for new beginnings. I’ve been exercising more and eating well – all in line with my plan to be fit by 40. It’s a new chapter in my life and as I look at my two little ducklings that follow me everywhere and still very much need their mommy but are still so independent. I’m a little sad but I also feel like I’m coming out on the other end of an incredible journey. The journey of the mom of babies to a mom of little girls.

Pockets of time

The girls enjoying a treat

A post by Amber got me thinking about how I organize my time as a mother who works outside of our home.  I am outside of my home for approximately 41.25 hours a week.  In that time, I do what I can to keep my home organized and my family happy and well fed.  And I've come to realize that the time I get at home is very valuable to me.  I am constantly organizing and preparing at lease a week in advance.  The more I can do in my pockets of time, the easier it is for me to work and prioritize on a daily basis.  When I'm home (which is usually 1-4 days a month, plus weekends outside of my working time) I try to organize my home in such a way that I get more time with my children and less time doing "stuff" at the last minute, which is frusterating and time consuming.  Some examples of this are: 

When I put away their laundry, I put it away in pre-organized outfits. 
When I go to the grocery store, I plan for big healthy meals, quick meals, healthy snacks and lunch items. 
When I have time to clean, I do a deep cleaning of all items so that they are reasonably clean until the next time I get to them.  For example, when I clean the bathroom, I clean the floors, corners, sinks, walls, wash the shower curtain and mirrors. 
I always put my keys and work stuff in the same spot every night. 
The children's sports stuff is always in the same place.
I have a bag of extra clothing, sunscreen and hats packed at all times and in the van.
I keep a case of water in my van at all times.
I prepare our lunches the night before work/school.
I have a vegtable garden which saves me time grocery shopping.

Tonight starts a 4 day vacation for me and besides the day trips I'm planning with the children, I'm looking forward to cooking some great meals and getting my house in order for the next 5 days until I can get another deep cleaning/reorganizing done.  My little pockets of time are so crutial to me and to my family and they help make the most of the time I have with them, which is so important. 

Parenting a three year old

I’m totally in love with this little tyke. She’s got big blue eyes and cute rolly knees. She’s still totally my little baby - mostly because she's the youngest and my last. But she can be so stubborn and defiant. She wrinkles up her little nose and clenches her teeth and says “I don’t want to do that momma!” or “I’m not going to” or flat out “No!” It’s gotten worse since summer started and our daily routines have changed. What do you do with a flat out NO? I usually say “You don’t tell me no, I was telling you to brush your teeth not asking you if you wanted too.”  Or I change the subject and try again in a few minutes.  Did I mention that on a daily basis she tells me that she doesn’t like kisses anymore? I kiss her anyway because I suspect she doesn’t mind them but she’s just finding yet another way to assert herself.  I’ve been reading that three year olds are experiencing a lot of strong emotions right now and she is no different, so I talk to her about the feelings behind the behaviour but there are still consequences for not listening.  I read this article on natural consequences and logical consequences that spoke volumes to me.  It’s really a lesson on “pick your battles.”  For example, if your child refuses to wear their jacket outside in the cold, let them go without it – but bring it along just in case because chances are they will ask for it as soon as they get out the door.  The logical consequence would be if they refused to wear their helmut while riding their bike – the bike stays in the garage.  She is so different from my mild mannered Madelyn.  Tegan likes to experiment with noises, bang on everything, scream, climb and jump.  She is an adventure.  I can only hope that this phase passes soon because I miss my sweet, charming little girl.  What do you do when your three year old tells you No? 

Choices

Life is full of choices.  We make choices everyday, every minute of the day and they shape our days.  Children, however, don't always make the right choices which is why they are in our care until they are 18 years old, or older.  I shudder to think of what choices my seven year old would make if left alone in the house for even 15 minutes.  Today, while I was in the room, she put a little piece of paper behind the nightlight.  Would it start a fire?  Not sure, but I'd say it's not the best choice.  Which makes me wonder why I incessantly give the girls choice all day regarding different choices I have to make for them throughout the day.  Do you want milk or water?  Chicken nuggets or tuna?  Do you want to wear this?  How about this?  Do you want ketchup?  Do you want to go for a walk?  What color freezie do you want?  When I was a kid I don't remember there being so many choices.  My mom told us what to drink, eat, wear, go - and we did it.  I'm not sure why I give the girls so many choices, it's a habit that I have found hard to break.  Especially since not giving them choices would make things easier for me.  I think.  There could be a time where they want water and I give them milk and we have a full out melt down, but I want to be more definitive in my parenting.  I feel like I should be saying "Let's go to the park!" instead of "Want to go to the park?"  However isn't it also good for them to have choices?  What about you?  Do you give your kids choices or make most of their choices for them?

Apron strings

I was reading an article today about aprons.  The author of the article said she'd rather wear her apron to serve drinks as hostess than to actually wear them to save her clothes and that if she was in the kitchen she's wear gym clothes.  I laughed.  I wondered if she had kids - if she cooked - if she ever had to throw down a towel on a spilled drink, if she'd ever put the kids to bed and then went down into the kitchen to make some appetisers and the go back to hostessing.  These aprons she was referring to in her article are beautiful - but isn't the point of an apron also that it's functional?  If I purchased a $50 apron, I would certainly wear it to bake, make dinners etc. because I'm a mom.  And as a mom I deserve to wear something beautiful while I make dinner.  I'm certainly considering buying one to protect my work clothes as so often I come home and go right to making dinner, cleaning, wiping noses and washing the bathtub.  Their purpose is to protect clothing and June Cleaver had it right, she wore it all the time while she wrangled two boys and the necessities of a household.  My point is - go buy your fancy apron, enjoy it, take pride in wearing it for it's use and don't forget to feel pretty and practical while you wear it!

Sleep

I'd like to think that most mom's have had their challenges with getting their children to sleep.  Being a working mom, I struggle with putting the kids to bed early - so that they get 10-12 hours sleep, and letting them stay up late with me so I can see them for more than 3.5 hours a day.  My kids generally go to bed at 9 pm and I wake them up at 7 am...see?  10 hours sleep.  When they get 10 hours sleep I feel better about sending them off the next day to play and have fun at daycare especially since my 3 year old generally doesn't nap anymore (although most days she could use one).  Unfortunately my 3 year old doesn't understand the concept of 10 hours sleep, she only wants to hang with us.  And I know this is probably because she's 3, and she misses us during the day, and sometimes when you are overtired, it's hard to get to sleep and that being 3 means that you are learning new ways to manipulate people.  You see?  I get it.  But it doesn't change the fact that it's almost 10 pm, and I put her to bed an hour ago, and she's still bee bopping up there after kisses, songs, stories, a cup of milk and snuggles.  I take comfort in the fact that eventually she will crash.  And one night this week she will fall asleep at 6pm and I will eventually...win.  :)

Alone time

Who ever thought that having kids would let you appreciate alone time so much?  Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my kids but this precious time that I get to myself is so much more valued now than it was 7 years ago.  As soon as the kids go to bed I want to post a status update on Facebook - "Kids in bed - sweet serenity!"  Yes, I do value my quiet time where I'm not playing kids games or reading kids books, giving baths or making food and I think that's perfectly OK.  I get up early every weekend, as soon as my eyes open, to make a coffee, get onto the computer, make breakfast and mentally prepare for the day.  I get up early on weekdays too so I can shower, get my lunch and coffee ready, make pancake breakfasts, so that I'm ready to answer any challenges or requests the morning brings, and it helps to get the morning started off right.  Before I had kids I was craving more to do.  More interaction, more family.  And now that I have it I appreciate it so much and I've found ways of adjusting to having small amounts of alone time during the day.  Having kids has made me appreciate life so much more than I ever imagined.  What do you do with your alone time?